Viktor Frankl was arressted and sent to a Nazi Concentration camp. captured, he was the only survivor in his family; his father, mother, wife, and brother all perished. He himself narrowly escaped death many times, and suffered profound brutality..
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning
Your circumstances (along with your body chemistry) will affect your feelings, but you can choose your reaction to your feelings.
[36] Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” [37] He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. [38] Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” [39] Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” [40] Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. [41] “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” [42] He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
Matthew 26:36-42 NIV
Our Brains are wired to process in at least three different ways
- Detection: Processing the information from your eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin (occipital lobe)
- Reaction: Your body (limbic system) activates hormones and chemicals in response to the detection in roughly 0.074 seconds
- Decision: You can make a decision about how you respond to the reaction through your frontal cortex
Without thinking about your thinking, you can live from your reactions to life rather than making conscious choices
The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps. The wise fear the Lord and shun evil, but a fool is hotheaded and yet feels secure. A quick-tempered person does foolish things, and the one who devises evil schemes is hated. The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.
Proverbs 14:15-18 NIV
Feelings in your day-to-day experience are like weather on a construction site. You can spend energy wishing it were different or you can manage according to the conditions.
The process of managing this weather is called metacognition. Metacognition (which technically means “thinking about thinking”) is the act of experiencing your emotions consciously, separating them from your behavior, and refusing to be controlled by them.2 Metacognition begins with understanding what emotions are and how they work. From there, you can learn some basic strategies for reframing emotions about your present and your past. And with some practice, you’ll be able to stop letting your feelings direct your behavior—conscious you can be the adult in charge.
Arthur C. Brooks
Everyone—even the most privileged among us—has life conditions they would like to change.
“One has abundant riches, but is shamed by his ignoble birth. Another is conspicuous for his nobility, but through the embarrassments of poverty would prefer to be obscure. A third, richly endowed with both, laments the loneliness of an unwedded life.”
Boethius – The consolation of Philosophy (sixth century philosopher)
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. [8] Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. [9] But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9 NIV
Many of your feelings are produced by the story you believe to be true, which is in turn influenced by your feelings (kind of like a feedback loop).
The reason your memories change is that you construct stories of past events from fragments of memories in accordance with your current self-narratives.21 You look to days gone by to figure out who you are and why you are doing what you’re doing now. To make past information fit your current circumstances, friends, and enterprises, you unconsciously paraphrase your history.
The particular details you retrieve about past events generally correspond with your current emotional state. For example, researchers have observed that when you are feeling afraid, you tend to construct memories that focus on the sources of threats and remember the past as more full of specific things that hurt you than you otherwise would.22 In contrast, if you are happy today, your memories will probably be broader and more general. Neither set of memories is erroneous—they are just reconstructed in different ways, based on current emotions.
Arthur C. Brooks
Jesus modelled choosing his response rather than reacting
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
Luke 5:16 NIV
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group [4] and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. [5] In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” [6] They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. [7] When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” [8] Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. [9] At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. [10] Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” [11] “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
John 8:3-11 NIV
Jesus entered Jerusalem and went into the temple courts. He looked around at everything, but since it was already late, he went out to Bethany with the Twelve.
Mark 11:11 NIV
Changing how you experience your negative emotions can be much easier than changing your physical reality, even if it seems unnatural.
Metacognition offers a much better, healthier, and more permanent solution. Consider the emotions that your circumstances are stimulating in you. Observe them as if they’re happening to someone else, and accept them. Write them down to make sure they are completely conscious. Then consider how you can choose reactions not based on your negative emotions, but rather based on the outcomes you prefer in your life.
Arthur C. Brooks
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, [2] through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. [3] Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; [4] perseverance, character; and character, hope. [5] And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:1-5 NIV
Paul assumed that we would need to be able to look at our own behaviour and determine where it was coming from
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; [20] idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions [21] and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. [22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. [24] Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:19-24 NIV
Metacognition is simply another word for Spirit-led self-control. The Bible is clear that we are not to be driven by our feelings.
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.
Galatians 5:16-17 NIV
Metacognition doesn’t mean you can avoid negative feelings. Rather, it means you can understand them, learn from them, and make sure they don’t lead to detrimental actions, which is principally how they become a source of misery in your life. A moment of fear is not necessarily a big deal; it can even be an interesting bit of data—remember, bad feelings are normal and fine. The fear becomes a problem when it makes you behave with hostility or timidity, which hurts you and others for no good reason.
Arthur C. Brooks
The four steps of Metacognition: First, observe your feelings
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. [5] We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 NIV
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. [24] See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24 NIV
Second: Consciously name your feelings by writing them down
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.
Proverbs 4:26 NIV
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. [16] And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. [17] As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. [18] For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. [19] For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. [20] Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. [21] So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. [22] For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; [23] but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.
Romans 7:15-23 NIV
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
Third: Engage with a different story.
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. [14] As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. [15] But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;
1 Peter 1:13-15 NIV
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. [8] Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. [9] Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
1 Peter 5:7-9 NIV
Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. [7] Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. [8] “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. [9] “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:6-9 NIV
Colossians 3:1-5 NIV
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. [2] Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. [3] For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. [4] When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. [5] Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
Third (part two): surround yourself with reminders of the different story
Mood and memory exist in a feedback loop: bad memories lead to bad feelings, which lead you to reconstruct bad memories. When you are in a highly limbic state, your mind can be saying everything is terrible and always will be, even though that is surely wrong. However, if you purposely conjure up happier memories, you can interrupt this doom loop.
Arthur C. Brooks.
Eat unleavened bread during those seven days; nothing with yeast in it is to be seen among you, nor shall any yeast be seen anywhere within your borders. [8] On that day tell your son, ‘I do this because of what the Lord did for me when I came out of Egypt.’ [9] This observance will be for you like a sign on your hand and a reminder on your forehead that this law of the Lord is to be on your lips. For the Lord brought you out of Egypt with his mighty hand.
Exodus 13:7-9 NIV
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. [19] Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. [20] Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, [21] so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21 NIV
An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. [47] Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. [48] Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.”
Luke 9:46-48 NIV
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. [13] “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. [14] Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. [15] I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. [16] Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. [17] Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
John 13:12-17 NIV
For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, [24] and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” [25] In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” [26] For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
1 Corinthians 11:23-26 NIV
Fourth: Look for meaning even in the hard parts of life
Every life contains authentic bad memories. We’re not suggesting that you try to reconstruct a past that expunges them or makes them rosy. In some cases, that would be impossible—they are just too painful. Furthermore, some terrible memories can lead us to learning and progress or keep us from repeating mistakes. Try methodically to see how such painful memories help you learn and grow. Scholars have shown that when people reflect on difficult experiences with the explicit goal of finding meaning and improving themselves, they tend to give better advice, make better decisions, and solve problems more effectively.
Arthur C. Brooks
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV
We are called to live from a different story, which is the foundation of our hope.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, [2] fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. [3] Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV
Small Group Questions
- Viktor Frankl said that even when everything is taken away, we still have the freedom to choose our response. Jesus demonstrated this in Gethsemane. What do these two examples teach us about the relationship between our circumstances, our feelings, and our choices?
- The sermon described the pattern of Detection → Reaction → Decision. Can you think of a recent situation where you reacted before you had time to think? Looking back, how might slowing down have changed your response?
- The sermon suggested that our feelings are often shaped by the story we believe about ourselves, others, or our circumstances. Is there an area of your life where God’s story and your own story seem to be in conflict? What does Scripture say instead?
- God has given his people practices such as prayer, Scripture, communion, worship, and other reminders to help us remember his story. Which spiritual practices most help you “reset” your thinking when your emotions are leading you in the wrong direction?
- Which of the four steps of metacognition do you most need to practise this week?
- Observe your feelings.
- Name your feelings.
- Engage with God’s story.
- Look for meaning in difficult experiences.
- What is one practical step you could take this week, and how can the group pray for you?